hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize