you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
