I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
