I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
