I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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