we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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