Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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