The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she smelled like a LAN party
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
