I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
