my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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