it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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