by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
