So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
two words: eviction party
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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