i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
