i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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