Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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