I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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