it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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