Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
