His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
