I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
