whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
