I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
