How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Randomize