Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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