dude i'm inner monologue high
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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