Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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