We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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