We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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