so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
