I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
