i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He did a backflip because drugs
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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