I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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