he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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