it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
