I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
