For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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