This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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