The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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