his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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