ADVERTISEMENT

• (631): View more from New York

  If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org

  Fav 31 1199 3554

  share tweet
  

• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  Aren't you in 8th grade?

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  9th, but that's not the point.

  Fav 104 6068 4131

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (630): View more from Illinois

  Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?

  Fav 16 3339 924

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.

  Fav 17 8942 1272

  share tweet
  

• (313): View more from Michigan

  Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill

  Fav 8 2999 1370

  share tweet
  

• (972): View more from Texas

  we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry

  Fav 8 716 2430

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (845): View more from New York

  Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.

  Fav 6 868 1353

  share tweet
  

• (801): View more from Utah

  Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.

  (801): View more from Utah

  International sake day = success

  Fav 9 1244 576

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX

  Fav 6 1634 1142

  share tweet
  

• (518): View more from New York

  Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.

  Fav 3 688 944

  share tweet
  

• (704): View more from North Carolina

  She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words

  Fav 5 1157 592

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (587): View more from Alberta

  I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.

  Fav 4 620 478

  share tweet
  

• (718): View more from New York

  I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho

  Fav 0 60 2

  share tweet
  

• (517): View more from Michigan

  He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!

  Fav 0 81 9

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (734): View more from Michigan

  i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation

  Fav 0 21 9

  share tweet
  

Randomize