why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
