Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
