I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is it because I queefed?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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