I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
