are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize