Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
