Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
