No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
