does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
