I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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