i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
