last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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