just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we're making bets on your personal life
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
