Cold hands, warm shart.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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