Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
