There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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