so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
