He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
