remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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