Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Quick, to the slutcave!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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