This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
