.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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